Saturday, December 4, 2010

Getting Older

My store my stories...aka "my blog to say what I want".

Getting Older.

It was my birthday week. This birthday fell on the day of a well known and adored Bend mans funeral.  A grown man with a wife, two small kids, and many friends, who seemingly "had it all". He had taken his own life. The community was shocked, saddened and left wondering how this could have happened. The bright side, was watching our community come together, honor the man, celebrate him,and embrace his wife and children.  I was proud to be part of our small town.  The situation also made you look at your own life and say, "it may not be what I dreamed of, but my life is pretty darn good".  Or maybe it was just me, on my birthday, that thought that.

The past year was hard.  We had to sell the house we loved because we could no longer afford it. My husband and I were both forced to reinvent our careers which has left us with little disposable income, and being renters for the first time in our 16 years of marriage. I'm not complaining or whining, just sharing... So a few days later, after the funeral and the birthday I attended an all ladies holiday gift exchange. 

I only knew a few women in the room.  Most were 6-8 years younger, with kids 6-8 years younger than mine.  Early on I engaged in conversation with a young, perky, smiley  woman with a sweet little pierce in her nose who as it turns out, is the new owner of my old house.  I was living in a rental where I can't see the sky and she is enjoying alpine glow every morning while she makes her coffee.  I know how good she has it.  I used to have it.  We chatted.  I was nice.  Then we sat in a circle and got ready to exchange gifts.  I had run out of conversing energy.  I didn't want to talk about which kindergarten was best.  So I sat talking to no one.  I got up, went to the hall, sat on the stairs and called Scott.  When he answered I told him I'd been talking to the woman who bought our house. I told him I needed to leave, but the exchange had started and is was rude.  "Are you close to the door" he asked.  "Yes I can see my coat".  "Grab it and go, I'll talk to you as you exit.  The kids and I are waiting for you."

I drove home laughing and crying.  The benefit and curse of being older.  The benefit and curse of living in a small town.

I got home, kissed my family, curled up in my comfy chair and read a small business magazine and enjoyed my night.  I'm focused on the basics at 44.  My marriage, my kids, my business, my closest friends, myself....
It's my life, and I'm old enough to appreciate what I do have, and do what's best for me.

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